You knew this day would come. Your teen wants to start dating. Which brings up two very important questions: 1. What age is appropriate to date? and 2. What is teen dating like these days? Smartphones, the internet, and social media have dramatically changed the way teens date. Read on to learn what parents need to know.
Experts agree that kids should wait until they’re at least 16 to start going on traditional dates — that is, going out for a meal or movies without other friends around. However, this largely depends on your teen and whether they’re emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship.
The answer also depends on how your teen defines “dating.” When a tween or teen talks about being in a relationship with someone, they might be referring to back-and-forth text conversations or maintaining their Snap Streak with their crush, rather than a conventional date or relationship.
Teens make use of devices at every stage of dating. Here’s how:
Most teens don’t look to the internet to find people to date. But once they’ve identified a love interest, they often turn to social media to find out anything and everything they can about their crush.
A common way teens express romantic interest is by “deep liking,” or going onto their crush’s social media and liking a bunch of posts all at once. This practice has become a universal sign of romantic interest in the digital age. The next step is to “slide into their DMs” to start a private conversation.
Teens often spend a lot of time getting to know each other over text and social media before becoming a couple. When they’re ready to take that step, it’s typically marked by announcing on social media that they’re dating by stating their relationship status in their bio or replacing their profile picture with a couple selfie.
Once in a relationship, teens rely heavily on devices for keeping things going. This could take the form of texting, DMing, or sending Snaps.
When it comes to the end of a teenage romance, devices often play a role as well. Getting LOR (left on read), jealousy over how much their partner engages with another person online, or not hearing from their significant other — even though their posts make it clear they’re online — are all situations that could cause strife in a relationship.
However, despite their reliance on all things digital for dating, teens still mostly frown upon breaking up over text or social media.
The shift toward digital spaces in teen relationships has positive implications. It allows teens to spend more time vetting a potential partner and getting to know them before jumping into a relationship. It can also be more comfortable for socially awkward teens to initiate things online rather than in-person.
But there are also downsides to this dynamic. Here are some things parents need to be on the lookout for:
Sexting — sending or receiving sexually explicit videos, images, or text messages — is increasingly common among teens, but it can have serious implications.
Young love can be all-consuming. Many teens want to spend as much time as possible interacting with their significant other. This can lead to things like dramatically increased screen time or losing sleep from staying up late texting.
While most teens prefer to date people they know in real life, a small percentage do turn to dating apps. Some apps, like Yubo, are specifically geared toward underage daters, while others, like Skout, are meant for adults, but don’t have any age verification process. We don’t recommend teen dating apps because they come with a whole host of risks, ranging from grooming to scams.
In addition to talking to your teen about classic topics such as safe sex, birth control, and consent, broaden the conversation to include specific risks and tips for dating safely and smartly in the digital era. Here are some talking points:
Make sure they understand that sexting is risky and can have social, emotional, and even legal consequences. Even when sent over Snap, where it will theoretically disappear, the receiver can easily take a screenshot and send it out to anyone.
Reiterate your family rules around screen time and app use. Remind them that even if they want to send lovey-dovey Snaps for eight hours straight, they really do need to do their homework and sleep.
Explain to your child how easily things can be misconstrued over text or on social media. The absence of tone, facial expressions, and body language can obscure meaning, leading to conflict. Help them build skills for clear communication, stating their needs, and working through issues outside of texts and apps.
Devices, the internet, and social media have changed the way teens date. Parents should help their child understand the risks of dating in the digital era and keep the lines of communication open so that they’re able to support them if they run into an issue.
Talking to your teen should always be the first line of defense. But if you’re worried and want to keep an extra eye as they start to date, BrightCanary can help. The app’s advanced technology scans your child’s social media activity and messages, alerting you when they encounter something concerning. Start your free trial today.
