A strong relationship with your child is essential for their emotional well-being, confidence, and overall development. But in today’s digital age, nurturing your connection with your tween or teen can feel especially challenging. The good news is that small, intentional actions can make a big difference.
Research shows that strong parent-child relationships are associated with a wide range of positive social, emotional, health, and cognitive outcomes for children.
Although peer relationships become more important during adolescence, a strong parent-child relationship is still important. It makes kids feel safe as they face the challenges of adolescence and helps give them the confidence they need to explore and try new things.
As if parenting weren’t hard enough, modern technology adds to the challenge. Here are some reasons why technology may make connecting with your child difficult:
As kids grow older, it’s normal for parents to end up on the backburner as peer relationships become more important. But parental influence still matters. It simply requires a shift in how you connect with your child.
Teens are literally hardwired to tune out their parents’ voices and tune in to other voices. It’s developmentally normal for them to pull away from their parents and seek increased autonomy.
Basically, you’re fighting against biology if you expect your relationship with your teen to look like it did a few years ago.
Instead, seek smaller ways to connect with them, like catching up on their day on the ride home from school or taking them out for a treat one-on-one. Try not to get hurt if they reject your efforts. And whatever you do, don’t stop trying.
Teens can smell the pressure to open up a mile away, so it’s often more effective to do things together that you both enjoy, such as cooking, watching movies, or hiking. If you and your child don’t share any common interests, ask them to share what they enjoy with you.
Remember: You may be dying to have a heart-to-heart, but that isn’t required in order to have a healthy, trusting relationship with your child. The key is to be willing to step outside your comfort zone and really give the activity a shot.
Car rides are an often underestimated source of connection with teens. Not only do you have a captive audience, but car talks also remove the pressure of direct eye contact, which can make discussions easier.
Try asking open-ended questions while on the road. Resist the urge to lecture or scold them. Be patient and receptive, and let them lead the conversation.
Phone use can inhibit connection, in part because we smile less when we’re absorbed in a screen. When you do get precious time with your child, try setting your phone aside and asking them to do the same.
It’s also helpful to have designated screen-free times in your house, such as during meals. You might even consider doing a family digital detox.
Didn’t I just tell you to turn off tech? Yes, but technology can also be used to your advantage when it comes to connecting with your child. The key is to be intentional about it.
Texting your teen isn’t just for logistics, like asking them to do chores or confirming what time they need a ride. Check in with them, send them funny memes, or just let them know you’re thinking of them.
They might roll their eyes at your dad jokes or get embarrassed from your heart emojis, but deep down, they’ll be glad to know you’re thinking of them.
(You might want to check out these tips for texting teens first, though.)
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It’s easy to want to jump into problem-solving mode when our kids confide in us. If you’re lucky enough to have a teen who comes to you when they need an ear, listen before you try to offer solutions or opinions. Practice active listening, focusing any questions on helping them gain their own clarity on the issue.
Navigating parent-child relationships in the digital age can be challenging, but intentional connection efforts make a difference. How to connect with your child isn’t about grand gestures — it’s about consistency, patience, and adaptability. If parents shift their approach, they can still find ways to have a strong relationship with their children. The effort is always worth it.
