Getting a young child their first phone is a big decision. And naturally, parents will have a lot of questions—is it too soon? Do they need it? Are they responsible enough? Is it safe at this age? What age should a child get a phone?
There are a lot of benefits to your child having a phone. They can reach you when they’re at a friend’s house, they can call you if practice ends early, and they can call grandma directly to tell her that mom still hasn’t figured out how to make her cinnamon rolls.
Then on the other hand, you get so many warnings and dangers that you might think you’re harming your child if you give them a phone too soon. So, what’s the right age?
Are you hurting your child by giving them a phone early? The research is mixed. According to a study conducted by Stanford Medicine, there isn’t a correlation between when kids get their phones and their overall well-being. The study also found that the average age children get a phone is 11.6 years old, and the average age range is 10.7 to 12.5 years old.
But a recent global study found the opposite.
So while studies are still being conducted, your decision will depend on your child and your family’s beliefs.
You probably wonder why a young child would need a phone. It’s more common to hear about the negatives, so you might be surprised at how many scenarios there are when a phone makes sense:
Of course, giving a child a phone has pros and cons. First, let’s start with the good:
Understanding the downsides of giving a child a phone is important too. They include:
No two children are the same, but here are some signs your child is ready for a phone:
If your child exhibits any of the following signs, they may not be ready:
There’s no right or wrong age to get your child a phone. It depends on your child’s maturity level, ability to handle such an investment and your child’s activities that might warrant getting a phone much sooner than others. Don’t base your decision on what other families do, but on what you and your family value and need for peace of mind.
Welcome to Parent Pixels, a parenting newsletter filled with practical advice, news, and resources to support you and your kids in the digital age. This week:
As back-to-school season kicks off, the debate over cell phone bans in schools is heating up. From Los Angeles Unified to the entire state of Florida, more schools are telling kids to keep their devices locked up from bell to bell. So, why are schools banning phones — and should your local district ban them, too?
Why are schools banning phones? Cell phone restrictions are becoming more common as educators grapple with the impact of smartphones on learning. Over 70% of high school teachers say that student phone use is a major problem. According to the National Center for Education Statistics, 77% of U.S. public schools now prohibit non-academic use of cell phones during school hours.
The goal of these bans is to create an environment where students can focus on school, without the constant pull of devices. Some schools require students to put their phones in backpacks or special lockers that can only be opened at the end of the school day. Others force the teachers to fend for themselves, leading to an inconsistent mishmash of cell phone rules between classrooms.
Should schools ban phones? Cell phones are disruptive, especially for kids. Students can take up to 20 minutes to refocus on what they were learning after being distracted (which is literally what phones were designed to do). Studies show that removing phones from classrooms can lead to better academic performance, test scores, and self-regulation skills.
Not everyone is on board. One major source of pushback is parents who are used to being in constant contact with their children throughout the school day. Some parents rely on texting or calling their kids during school hours (often for non-emergencies), which can disrupt the learning environment. Others will even FaceTime their kids to talk about assignments or quiz grades … in the middle of class.
But as Mercer Island School District in Washington demonstrates, there are ways to navigate this challenge.
MISD recently introduced a comprehensive phone-free policy in partnership with Yondr, a company that provides lockable phone pouches for students. With few exceptions, all students must have their own Yondr pouch and place their devices in it at the beginning of the day, and they can unlock it at the end of the day.
For emergencies, parents can call the school to deliver a message, or kids can come to the front office to use a phone … just like the days before iMessage. On an impressively detailed page on MI’s website, the district is clear: some people are very used to communicating schedule changes and practice/game/event schedules via cell phones. Those people (students, parents, and staff) will have to adjust.
With the right communication and planning, a phone-free school environment is achievable.
Parents, encourage your child to use their phone responsibly, and set an example by giving them space during the school day. After all, the goal is to help them develop healthy habits that will serve them well beyond their school years.
If your child’s school is considering a phone ban, advocate for policies that are logistically possible and enforceable. Away for the Day maintains an impressive list of policy examples across the country.
Parent Pixels is a biweekly newsletter filled with practical advice, news, and resources to support you and your kids in the digital age. Want this newsletter delivered to your inbox a day early? Subscribe here.
Did you know that BrightCanary’s new AI feature summarizes text messages, detects concerning content, and even coaches you through parent-child talks? Hear from co-founder Steve Dossick about how the new feature works.
A Court of Thorns and Roses is the first volume in an ongoing and highly popular romantacy series by Sarah J. Maas. But is ACOTAR for kids? We break down what parents should know about this series.
Is your child struggling to stay off their phone during school hours? It’s time to talk to them about boundaries and possible solutions. Here are a few conversation-starters to talk to your child about swiping and scrolling during class and how to take more responsibility for their habits.
😮💨 About a quarter of young people use social media almost constantly throughout the day, mostly for entertainment and communicating with friends, according to a new survey. More than three quarters are aware that’s a problem and try to control their use: 67% curate their feeds to get rid of what they don’t want to see, and 63% take a break from their social media accounts.
🤗 How do you raise empathetic children? It comes down to empathetic parents: pay attention to what they’re feeling, try to understand their problems rather than minimizing them, and offer emotional support.
📺 Just dropped: A major systematic review of current research on screens for young kids (0 to 6). Some key takeaways, via Techno Sapiens: avoid using screens while interacting with kids, choose age-appropriate content, and avoid having TV on in the background — there’s evidence that it makes it more difficult for kids to focus their attention on whatever else they’re doing.
It’s harder than ever for teens to make friends in the digital age. Having strong friendships in adolescence is associated with better mental and emotional health as adults, but between the constant pressures of social media and the normal growing pains of being a teenager, your teen might feel isolated, lonely, and unsure what to do about it. If you’re wondering how to help your teenager make friends, here’s what you should know.
Kids are lonelier today than ever. Compared to those over 70, people aged between 16–29 are twice as likely to say they feel lonely “often or always.” What’s more, over 30% of young people say they don’t know how to make new friends.
Loneliness isn’t just a fleeting feeling — it can increase the risk of depression and anxiety among adolescents. That’s a problem, considering we’re already in the midst of a youth mental health crisis.
Positive relationships can help improve everything from school attendance to your child’s likelihood of graduating college. But the way teens make friends has changed over time. The rate of teens meeting up with their friends “almost every day” has decreased from 50% in the ‘90s to 25% today.
What changed? Although the percentage of teens meeting up with friends has been declining over the last few decades, there’s a steep dropoff in 2010 — when smartphones went mainstream. Text messages, social media, and Snapstreaks became the digital currency of social clout. It became easier for teens to feel connected online, even though offline friendships are more meaningful and intimate.
Being a teenager is radically different today than it was a few short years ago. That means making friends and maintaining strong friendships is radically different, too.
If you want to know how to help your teenager make friends, the biggest step is encouraging your teen to try new things. It’s hard to meet new people without going into new spaces, so you’ll want to work with them to discuss their interests and brainstorm ways they can use those interests to spark new connections. Here are some places to start:
You might feel super motivated to help your teen make friends, but keep in mind that you don’t always know the finer social dynamics of their world. Your teen might not even realize that they feel lonely. They might even feel overwhelmed if you throw a bunch of ideas at them at once.
Instead, get them talking. Here are some ways to spark a dialogue:
Be open, not judgmental. If you’ve noticed that your teen is spending more time alone than normal, ask them about it in a non-confrontational way, like, “I noticed you’re not hanging out with Sammy as often. Is everything okay?”
Show interest in their interests. Teens can easily pursue their passions and find niche communities online, but you wouldn’t know it unless you get involved. If your child mentions something they enjoy, ask them what they like about it. It might lend itself to an in-person activity. For example, if they’re really into a certain series, you might suggest inviting a friend and hosting a movie night.
Validate their feelings. If your teen says they feel like they don’t have any friends, you might be tempted to give them a million and one solutions to the problem. Instead, give them space to talk about their experiences. Questions like “That’s rough. Can you tell me more about how you feel?” or “What makes you think that?” can encourage your child to keep talking and give you space to examine what might be holding them back from making friends.
It can be difficult for parents to recognize when their teens are struggling, especially if they tend to isolate themselves behind screens. Monitoring your child’s online activity can help identify any red flags, like signs of depression or conflicts that might hinder their ability to make friends.
BrightCanary remotely monitors your child’s text messages, social media, Google, and YouTube activity. The app uses the American Psychological Association’s emotional communication guidelines to categorize conversations, so you can identify anything concerning at a glance.
Plus, our AI-generated summaries make it easy to understand text threads, identify any potential issues early on, and have more informed check-ins with your child.
Look for signs of withdrawal, increased screen time, or reluctance to engage in social activities. Ask your child how they spend their free time—do they check in with friends during passing periods and participate in after-school activities, or do they spend most of their time alone?
Encourage open communication, help them explore new social groups, and monitor for any signs of bullying or depression. Recognize that you may not be able to solve their unique social dynamics, but you can give them space to work through their feelings and find different spaces for connection.
Yes, it’s becoming more common, but it’s important to ensure these online friendships are healthy and positive.
Focus on quality over quantity. Encourage them to pursue hobbies or activities where they can meet people with similar interests in smaller, more comfortable settings. Introverted teens may not want to attend large sporting events, but they may be interested in a book club or cooking class.
It’s important to find a balance—be supportive and present, but allow them the independence to navigate social situations on their own. Remember that their social life includes the digital world, and you’ll want to find a way to stay involved that works for your family. We recommend starting with regular online safety check-ins.
While making friends can be challenging, it’s a crucial part of teenage development. As a parent, you can help your teen brainstorm different ways to expand their social circle online and offline based on their interests. Sometimes, the most important thing you can do is give them space to talk and find solutions on their own (with your encouragement and guidance, of course).
Texting can expose kids to several risks, including explicit images, cyberbullying, and online predators. It’s a good idea to monitor their text messages — staying involved helps you ensure their peer relationships are healthy and that they’re not getting into trouble. Your monitoring efforts should adjust over time as your child matures, so it’s important to use a child safety app that lets you stay involved while respecting their growing independence. But what app lets you read your child’s text messages? Here are a few popular options.
There are a number of apps that let you read your child’s text messages. But some are better than others when it comes to effectiveness, ease of use, and compatibility with Apple devices.
Bark uses machine learning to adapt to the latest slang as it scans your child’s device. It’s optimized for text monitoring on Androids, but falls short when it comes to Apple devices.
On iOS, Bark offers no uninstall protection, and users can’t lock VPN settings. Because of that, and the fact that Bark runs off your child’s device, it’s easy for them to delete Bark and bypass or disable features.
Installation is also complicated, and monitoring texts on iPhones requires running the desktop app in the background of your home computer. It only scans Apple devices when the child is connected to your home WiFi, so you’re left in the dark until they get back.
And because you can only view texts related to an alert (even then, you’re only shown a snippet), you’re left without context when you discuss an issue with your child. In most cases, if your child deletes a text, you also can’t view it later.
Qustodio has a robust set of parental controls, an easy-to-use interface, and is one of the few parental control apps that monitors texts on Android.
However, its features are limited on Apple devices. It also requires an additional app loaded on to your Mac in order to monitor your child’s Apple device. In addition, most features can be bypassed using a VPN, and users report that the app frequently misses relevant texts.
mSpy provides remote, real-time monitoring capabilities for parents, using customizable keywords, but it has some serious drawbacks.
Because it doesn’t use machine learning to analyze the entire context of the conversation and has no category-based scanning, it can easily miss concerning texts. It also doesn’t include cyberbullying or online predator alerts — two issues which are much more nuanced and can be difficult to capture with only keywords.
In addition, as the name would imply, mSpy is built around the concept of spying on kids. It features things like remote camera access, a keylogger, and the ability to record phone conversations. This intrusive approach is aimed at “catching” kids in the wrong, rather than a more effective and supportive approach built on teamwork and mutual respect.
Pinwheel is a smartphone with built-in parental controls and its own operating system. It requires purchasing a Pinwheel phone (an Android device loaded with the Pinwheel operating system). This means Apple products aren’t an option, and iOS-specific apps aren’t compatible, although parents can run the caregiver app from their own iPhone.
Not all Pinwheel devices work with all major carriers, so you may need to switch phone plans. Because it doesn’t allow any social media or internet access, it’s a decent option for younger kids. But as your child matures and is ready to learn how to use the internet safely, the Pinwheel phone is no longer an ideal choice.
In the world of apps that let you read your child’s texts, BrightCanary stands out for its effectiveness and ease of use on iOS. It uses advanced technology to monitor your child’s texts (along with YouTube, Google, Instagram, and TikTok) and alerts you to any concerns.
BrightCanary uses large language models to analyze the context of your child’s texts and summarize conversations, so you don’t have to read every individual message (but you can if you need to). The app is able to effectively identify concerning content across a broad range of categories, such as adult images, drugs, and self-harm.
Parents can view the full content of text messages, as opposed to other apps, which just show snippets. You can even read deleted texts. This means you can go into a conversation with your child with all the information you need to follow up on the issue.
And because it’s installed on the parent’s device, kids can’t delete or bypass it. BrightCanary is an excellent app for monitoring your child’s text messages on iOS.
Monitoring your child’s text messages keeps you informed of any concerns so you can help them stay safe from dangers like cyberbullying, online predators, and adult content. While many apps allow you some access to your child’s texts, BrightCanary offers the most robust, accurate, and user-friendly monitoring and stands out for its stellar compatibility with Apple products.
As a parent of two boys, I’ve learned a lot about navigating the digital world alongside my kids. When we first gave my 12-year-old son his first device, an iPad, I worried what challenges would arise by giving him access to text messaging. I felt it was important to monitor his texts with friends, but I hadn’t considered the implications. Here’s what I wish I’d known, along with some advice for parents who are monitoring for the first time.
My wife and I had plenty of discussions about our son’s first device and the parental controls we’d use. Apple Screen Time allowed us to set limits on how much time he spent on his iPad and which apps he could download, but it didn’t give us any visibility into his text messages.
Was it overkill to also read his texts? My 12-year-old isn’t an adult. Tweens need guidance and supervision in most areas of their lives, including the digital world. While it’s important to give kids privacy and increased autonomy as they grow older, using technology in a healthy way is a learned skill.
I was weighing all of this when a good friend told me about his 11-year-old son.
It turns out that his son was messaging a complete stranger on his iPad. The stranger was asking him to send inappropriate photos, and his 11-year-old was totally unprepared for how to handle the situation. To this day, my friend doesn’t know how the stranger got his son’s contact information.
Texting is a gateway for kids entering the highs and lows of the digital world. Although text messaging isn’t categorized as social media, the risks are similar, including exposure to scams, predators, and cyberbullying. Text messaging with friends can quickly turn to text messaging with strangers.
That’s why when we gave our son his iPad, we also introduced text message monitoring.
We chatted about our expectations with our 12-year-old, like only messaging people we knew and always responding to us as soon as possible. We also explained how we were using technology to keep him safe — by monitoring his texts with BrightCanary.
BrightCanary uses AI to summarize text threads for you, allowing us to skim conversations and understand the gist of what’s being discussed. The app alerts us if it detects anything concerning, like drug references or bullying.
We didn’t want our son to feel like we were spying on him, but we wanted him to know that supervising his messages helped us ensure he wasn’t involved in any conversations he couldn’t handle.
Balancing privacy and safety is crucial. For parents considering text message monitoring for the first time, it’s important to have transparent conversations with your kids about the dangers of digital platforms.Discuss the risks associated with mental health, sleep deprivation, predation, and bullying. Educate them about these issues and establish open lines of communication.
We have an open-door policy with our son; if something makes him uncomfortable, he knows he can talk to me or my wife anytime.
The anonymity of the internet can lead kids to say things they wouldn’t normally say in person. It’s a tumultuous time in their development, and their communications reflect that.
A lot of your child’s text messages will probably be mundane, but some of them might be concerning. It’s important to talk to your child about their text threads to get context about the conversations. Remember, you’re entering a group dynamic with its own language. Once you understand the nature of your child’s conversations, you can decide whether to intervene or gradually loosen the reins.
I was surprised to find instances of bullying in some of my son’s group chats.
He wasn’t directly involved, but it gave us a chance to talk about how to handle similar situations. We talked about why the comments were inappropriate, how friends should treat each other, and what to do if someone makes you feel uncomfortable.
Younger kids need more hands-on supervision, especially when it comes to personal safety and behavior online. They don’t prioritize safety and often lean on their parents to guide their online interactions. There are still a lot of unknowns now that my son has access to the digital world, but monitoring is helping me have more proactive conversations with him, so we’re more prepared for future situations.
As kids become teens, they start valuing their privacy more. When our son first got his iPad, my wife and I were actively monitoring: more hands-on, regularly checking his activity and having conversations about his device use.
As he matures and demonstrates that he can follow the rules set, we’ll transition to passive monitoring. We won’t keep tabs on everything, but we’ll have safeguards to alert us if something concerning happens.
For instance, if someone sends him a link that sends him down a rabbit hole of online searches, BrightCanary will alert us if he sees anything concerning. We’re still having regular conversations about online safety, but that safety net gives us peace of mind.
Giving your child their first tablet or phone is a big milestone, and it brings a range of new challenges that you have to navigate as a parent. Decades ago, parents used to listen in on phone conversations or monitor the shows we watched on the family TV. Today, parents have to adapt their approaches for the digital age.
Monitoring is part of preparing our kids for a responsible and healthy digital future. It’s an essential part of modern parenting — and one of the ways we can keep our kids safe and supported in the digital world.
Welcome to Parent Pixels, a parenting newsletter filled with practical advice, news, and resources to support you and your kids in the digital age. This week:
If it seems like your child is glued to their screens 24/7, they might be learning from you. New research published in Pediatric Research found that parental screen use is highly associated with higher adolescent screen time and problematic social media or video game use.
This is tied to “parental modeling,” where kids learn behaviors from their parents. If they see you watching screens during meals or using your phone in bed, they don’t learn to set boundaries around device use. This is problematic because screen use during meals and at bedtime is linked to higher overall screen time and addictive behaviors, like struggling to reduce social media use and dropping everything to respond to a notification on their phone.
“It’s especially important that parents follow their own rules and practice what they preach,” said Jason Nagata, a pediatrician at the University of California at San Francisco and the lead author of the study, “because even if they think their kids aren’t watching them, they really are.”
What parents can do: First, recognize that screens aren’t inherently bad — but kids need to learn healthy device use. Here are some recommendations:
🛑 Set screen time limits and stick to them. The study found that parental monitoring and limiting adolescent screen time were linked to less problematic screen use. Tools like Apple Screen Time, Google Family Link, and apps like Unpluq can help.
🍽️ Enforce screen-free zones at home. Start with no phones at the dinner table and no phones in the bedroom at night. Explain why these changes matter, such as improving sleep by avoiding blue light.
💬 Talk about device use. If you struggle to avoid certain apps, be honest with your child. This can spark a conversation, as they might be dealing with similar issues, allowing you to brainstorm solutions together.
Parent Pixels is a biweekly newsletter filled with practical advice, news, and resources to support you and your kids in the digital age. Want this newsletter delivered to your inbox a day early? Subscribe here.
What is Apple Screen Time work, and how can parents use it to set limits on their kids’ devices? We break down essential tips for this free resource that every parent should know.
Looking for new ideas for spending time with family this sumer? We’ve got you covered with eight ideas for quality time.
One way to get your child’s buy-in when you’re introducing the whole “use your phone less” topic? Get them talking. Save these conversation-starters for your next check-in.
📵 The largest US school district has banned phones in schools. The Los Angeles Unified School District will ban cellphones during the entire school day, possibly by having students place their phones in lockers or pouches. The ban takes effect in January.
❗An exclusive WSJ report found that Instagram recommends sexual videos to accounts for 13-year-olds. The findings align with a 2022 Meta analysis that found teens saw three times as many prohibited posts containing nudity, 1.7 times as much violence and 4.1 times as much bullying content as users above the age of 30. According to Meta, teens under 16 aren’t supposed to be shown sexually explicit content at all — more reason to not trust social media companies to protect our kids.
👀 Word on the street is that there’s a new look with BrightCanary text monitoring. Have you tried our new text message summaries with built-in advice and coaching? Download the latest version of BrightCanary today!
😌How do you cultivate mindful digital habits at home? We spoke with Unpluq CEO Caroline Cadwell about how parents can model appropriate digital behavior for kids.
Dumb phones are the perfect way to give your child a phone, without letting them have social media at their fingertips. And because of their rising popularity, there are more options on the market now than ever. Read on to learn all about the dumb phone, including our top picks for the best dumb phones for kids.
Dumb phones are stripped-down devices with basic features such as calling and texting, but without the more advanced options smartphones offer. While some include functions like internet browsing, their design prioritizes essential telephone functions and eliminates addictive temptations like social media.
Although the terms are often used interchangeably, there’s actually a distinction between dumb phones and their retro counterpart, the flip phone. Unlike flip phones, dumb phones typically resemble smartphones in the way they’re built. Both are pared down devices, but dumb phones usually include some conveniences — like a touch screen, navigation, and the ability to play music — that many flip phones leave out.
Gen Z is driving the trend toward dumb phones. There are several reasons for this shift toward less-is-more technology:
Hot on the heels of the 90’s fashion comeback, the Y2K aesthetic is back in a big way. Many young people are going beyond slip dresses, trucker hats, and low-rise jeans to bring the early aughts to their tech life as well. That includes gravitating toward simpler, turn-of-the-century technology when the bygone Blackberry reigned supreme.
Experts have sounded the alarm about the youth mental health crisis. While there are multiple contributing factors, it’s now widely recognized that social media contributes to mental health concerns in adolescents. Some teens are taking matters into their own hands and choosing simpler technology solutions that don’t include social media.
Perhaps because they were some of the first people to live their entire lives around screens, many Gen Zers are rejecting a tech-centered existence. Opting out of social media, pushing for regulation of big tech, and turning to dumb phones are some of the ways young people are taking control of their relationship with the internet.
If you’re interested in getting a dumb phone for your child, there are more options than ever. We’ve rounded up some recommendations to get you started:
Cost: $49.99
Compatible carriers: Go Talk, Metro, and T-Mobile.
What makes it stand out: The Nokia 225 4G is a budget-friendly device at the intersection of flip phones and dumb phones. It has the stripped down simplicity of a flip phone, with a few of the bells and whistles you’ll find in the other dumb phones on our list, like a web browser and an Mp3 player.
Cost: $399, currently available for preorder
Compatible carriers: This phone can’t be used with any of the major carriers. Techless offers their own plans, starting at $24.99/month.
What makes it stand out: The Wisephone by Techless bills itself as a “beautiful, boring phone.” With a sleek body that calls the iPhone to mind, the Wisephone comes with essential tools such as navigation, phone and text capability, and a high-quality camera. Users can customize additional features, but you won’t find social media apps anywhere on this device.
Cost: $299, currently available for preorder
Compatible carriers: In addition to their own Light plan, this unlocked 4G LTE cell can be used with T-Mobile, Verizon (no prepaid, no numbershare), AT&T, Ting, Mint, and US Mobile.
What makes it stand out: The Light Phone is adorably small, containing just what you need with none of the frills. It offers talk and text, directions, podcasts, music, and a number of productivity apps. Like our other picks, social media apps are not available for this device. There’s not even a web browser!
Cost: $199.99
Compatible carriers: Only available on the Gabb Wireless network.
What makes it stand out: The Gabb Phone is the only device on our list specifically designed for kids and teens. It includes clean music streaming, safe text messaging, and a parent-managed app library.
Dumb phones are a great device option for kids. They eliminate some of the primary concerns parents have, like access to social media, and offer a minimalist experience for kids looking to cut back on tech.
If you suspect your child might be deleting their text messages in an attempt to hide them from you, it’s natural to be concerned and want to investigate. If you’re trying to figure out how to see your child’s deleted texts on iPhone (and if you should even read them in the first place), then you’ve come to the right place. This article covers ways to access deleted texts and how to decide if this is the right approach for your circumstances.
First things first: spying on your child is generally not a good idea. It’s an invasion of their privacy and could jeopardize the mutual trust you’ve worked to build with them. If you feel it’s necessary to read your child’s deleted texts, it’s important to be transparent with them rather than going behind their back.
So, how do you decide if it’s necessary to read their deleted texts in the first place? Here are some tips:
The fact that your child is deleting texts probably isn’t enough on its own to warrant trying to access the missing messages. In fact, there are perfectly innocent reasons this may be happening, like the age-appropriate desire for privacy and independence.
There are, however, concerning reasons they may be concealing messages. If you suspect something more serious like drugs or alcohol, investigating further is a good idea.
If you suspect your child may be deleting their texts for a concerning reason, your first course of action should be to talk to them. Let them know you’re worried and your priority is their safety. Ask them what’s going on and give them the space to tell you without judgment.
After considering the above points, if you still feel it’s necessary to view your child’s deleted texts, here’s how to do it.
Available for: iOS 16 and above.
How far back you can restore texts: 30 days (in some cases, up to 40)
Steps to restore texts:
How far back you can restore texts: 30 days (in some cases, up to 40)
Important note: Because this method requires factory resetting your child’s iPhone settings, all of the data on their phone will be wiped out. So, it’s important to back up their data first, especially from the Messages app — or you’ll wipe out the very data you’re trying to access.
Steps to back up your child’s data:
Steps to restore texts:
This is definitely the easiest method to view your child’s deleted texts. (Just two steps!) BrightCanary is also the only child safety app that allows parents to review deleted texts on iOS devices.
How far back it can go: Monitoring begins as soon as your child’s account is connected to BrightCanary. Any texts your child sends, receives, or deletes after that point will remain in their text history.
Steps to view deleted texts:
If you haven’t set up text message monitoring with BrightCanary yet, here’s how to do it.
The best way to monitor your child’s text messages is to be proactive so you don’t need to read their deleted texts in the first place. Here are some ideas:
The best approach to monitoring your child’s text messages is open communication and the use of a monitoring app, such as BrightCanary. If you’re concerned and feel the need to read your child’s deleted texts, it’s best to be transparent with them about it first.
If it feels like your previously communicative kiddo suddenly turned into the silent type when they became a teenager, you’re not alone. It’s common for teens to have a hard time talking to their parents.
Texting is often a good way to get them to open up because it removes a lot of the things that make communicating face-to-face difficult for teens. For example, teens may have a difficult time accurately interpreting adult’s tone and facial expressions. Texting eliminates that barrier.
But before you fire up your thumbs and start texting your kid, here are some important things you should know about texting teens:
It turns out teens have a lot of feelings about punctuation in texts. Here are some of the unofficial punctuation rules for texting your teen:
It’s pretty common for teens to text in all lowercase. (I know!) They may not expect you to match them in eschewing capital letters, but don’t give them a hard time when they do it — it’s just texting culture.
Don’t tell my 74-year-old father, but it is, in fact, possible to overdo it with emoji — especially when you’re communicating with Gen Alpha. Too many can earn you a giant eye roll. And if you do use emoji, please, I beg of you, make sure you know what they mean.
For all their skepticism of emoji, it turns out teens are wild about Bitmoji and find it hilarious when their parents use them in texts.
What is Bitmoji, you ask? It’s an app which allows you to personalize an avatar that looks like you, and you can use it to convey a whole host of things over text.
See, here’s me writing about my feelings toward all-lowercase texting:
Getting “left on read” means sending a text to someone without getting a response back, even though the sender can see the other person received the message. Teens don’t like to be ignored over text, and they get upset when you leave them on read. (Sound familiar?) It helps to let them know realistic timelines for replying.
Memes are another beloved form of visual communication among teens — one that they’ve taken to a whole new level. They use memes to express a variety of emotions, from humor to fear. Memes can also help teens engage with and talk about difficult subjects in a way that’s less overwhelming. Your teen might groan the first few times you send memes, but they’ll appreciate that you’re trying to speak their language.
It can be tempting to try and talk like your teen as a way to connect. But this can backfire. It’s okay to just use words and phrases that are true to how you really communicate. But if you really want to use the same slang you hear from your kids, be sure to confirm what it means first.
Welcome to Parent Pixels, a parenting newsletter filled with practical advice, news, and resources to support you and your kids in the digital age. This week:
New research conducted by the NORC at the University of Chicago investigates how social media affects teen mental health, and the results are a mixed bag. The study included 1,274 teens and young adults aged 14 to 22.
Key findings:
What this means for parents: Lead researcher Amanda Lenhart suggests keeping communication open and encouraging teens to be aware of their emotions while using social media. Ask questions like, “How am I feeling right now? Did I see anything that made me feel sad?”
Parental involvement is crucial. Many young adults wish their parents had delayed their social media use. By staying engaged and setting clear rules, you can help your teens safely navigate the digital world.
Parent Pixels is a biweekly newsletter filled with practical advice, news, and resources to support you and your kids in the digital age. Want this newsletter delivered to your inbox a day early? Subscribe here.
A recent study published in Frontiers in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry reveals that any form of parental distraction, whether digital or not, negatively affects parent-child interaction.
You may have heard about technoference (when devices interrupt family time). This study asked, “Are the screens the problem, or is it the fact that the parent is distracted?”
In the study, 50 parent-child pairs (with kids around 22 months old) were split into three groups. Group one had no disruptions. Group two parents were asked to stop play time to fill out a paper questionnaire, while group three parents used a tablet. The kids didn’t care whether the distraction was digital or analog. All distractions equally upset them, hurting the quality of interaction.
Big picture: Principal investigator Nevena Dimitrova said the screens themselves aren’t the problem. “Instead, it seems to be the fact that the parent is not fully engaged in the interaction that negatively impacts parent-child communication.”
Said another way, it’s not your iPhone’s fault — it’s the distraction. Want to boost your bonding time? Try minimizing distractions (easier said than done, we know). Put away your phone or set aside non-digital tasks when you’re having one-on-one time with your family. Giving your full attention can do wonders for your child’s emotional health and development.
The end of the school year is coming fast. If you’re a parent of tweens looking for ways to beat the summer boredom blues, we have you covered with this list.
Every child matures differently, and that’s especially true for devices. If you’re monitoring your child’s texts, the way you approach that supervision will change as they age. Here’s what you need to know.
The start of summer also means your child will have way more time for screens. Here are some conversation-starters to help manage their screen time:
📵 What happens when you don’t give kids phones until high school? The Cut profiles several teens whose parents delayed giving them devices, how that decision impacted their social lives, and how they use devices today.
🤔 Parents, we want to know: How do you handle summer screen time? Reply and share your thoughts! We’ll share a few responses in a future issue.
🔐 Did you know that the BrightCanary app has an easy-to-use way to store all your child’s passwords in one place? Learn more about the Password Vault — a free feature available in the BrightCanary app!
