As a parent, you want your child to surround themselves with good influences. That’s true not only for who they spend time with in real life, but also for the people and ideas they’re exposed to on social media.
If you or your child are concerned about the content appearing in their feed, one beneficial step you can take is to help them reset their social media algorithm. Here’s how to reset your child’s algorithm on TikTok, Instagram, and other platforms.
Social media algorithms are the complex computations that operate behind the scenes of every social media platform to determine what each user sees.
Everything on your child’s social media feed is likely the result of something they liked, commented on, or shared. (For a more comprehensive explanation, check out our Parent’s Guide to Social Media Algorithms.)
Social media algorithms have a snowball effect. For example, if your child “likes” a cute dog video, they’ll likely see more of that type of content. However, if they search for topics like violence, adult material, or conspiracy theories, their feed can quickly be overwhelmed with negative content.
Therefore, it’s vital that parents actively examine and reset their child’s algorithm when needed, and also teach them the skills to evaluate it for themselves.
Research clearly demonstrates the potentially negative impacts of social media on tweens and teens. How it affects your child depends a lot on what’s in their feed. And what’s in their feed has everything to do with algorithms.
Helping your child reset their algorithm is a wonderful opportunity to teach them digital literacy. Explain to them why it’s important to think critically about what they see on social media, and what they do on the site influences the content they’re shown.
Here are some steps you can take together to clean up their feed:
Resetting all of your child’s algorithms in one fell swoop can be daunting. Instead, pick the app they use the most and tackle that first.
If your kiddo follows a lot of accounts, you might need to break this step into multiple sessions. Pause on each account they follow and have them consider these questions:
If the answer “yes” to any of these questions, suggest they unfollow the account. If they’re hesitant — for example, if they’re worried unfollowing might cause friend problems — they can instead “hide” or “mute” the account so they don’t see those posts in their feed.
On the flip side, encourage your child to interact with accounts that make them feel good about themselves and portray positive messages. Liking, commenting, and sharing content that lifts them up will have a ripple effect on the rest of their feed.
After you’ve gone through their feed, show your child how to examine their settings. This mostly influences sponsored content, but considering the problematic history of advertisers marketing to children on social media, it’s wise to take a look.
Every social media app has slightly different options for how much control users have over their algorithm. Here’s what you should know about resetting the algorithm on popular apps your child might use.
To get the best buy-in and help your child form positive long-term content consumption habits, it’s best to let them take the lead in deciding what accounts and content they want to see.
At the same time, kids shouldn’t have to navigate the internet on their own. Social platforms can easily suggest content and profiles that your child isn’t ready to see. A social media monitoring app, such as BrightCanary, can alert you if your child encounters something concerning.
Here are a few warning signs you should watch out for as you review your child’s feed:
If you spot any of this content, it’s time for a longer conversation to assess your child’s safety. You may decide it’s appropriate to insist they unfollow a particular account. And if what you see on your child’s feed makes you concerned for their mental health or worried they may harm themselves or others, consider reaching out to a professional.
Algorithms are the force that drives everything your child sees on social media and can quickly cause their feed to be overtaken by negative content. Regularly reviewing your child’s feed with them and teaching them skills to control their algorithm will help keep their feed positive and minimize some of the negative impacts of social media.
Just by existing as a person in 2023, you’ve probably heard of social media algorithms. But what are algorithms? How do social media algorithms work? And why should parents care?
At BrightCanary, we’re all about giving parents the tools and information they need to take a proactive role in their children’s digital life. So, we’ve created this guide to help you understand what social media algorithms are, how they impact your child, and what you can do about it.
Social media algorithms are complex sets of rules and calculations used by platforms to prioritize the content that users see in their feeds. Each social network uses different algorithms. The algorithm on TikTok is different from the one on YouTube.
In short, algorithms dictate what you see when you use social media and in what order.
Back in the Wild Wild West days of social media, you would see all of the posts from everyone you were friends with or followed, presented in chronological order.
But as more users flocked to social media and the amount of content ballooned, platforms started introducing algorithms to filter through the piles of content and deliver relevant and interesting content to keep their users engaged. The goal is to get users hooked and keep them coming back for more.
Algorithms are also hugely beneficial for generating advertising revenue for platforms because they help target sponsored content.
Each platform uses its own mix of factors, but here are some examples of what influences social media algorithms:
Most social media sites heavily prioritize showing users content from people they’re connected with on the platform.
TikTok is unique because it emphasizes showing users new content based on their interests, which means you typically won’t see posts from people you follow on your TikTok feed.
With the exception of TikTok, if you interact frequently with a particular user, you’re more likely to see their content in your feed.
The algorithms on TikTok, Instagram Reels, and Instagram Explore prioritize showing you new content based on the type of posts and videos you engage with. For example, the more cute cat videos you watch, the more cute cat videos you’ll be shown.
YouTube looks at the creators you interact with, your watch history, and the type of content you view to determine suggested videos.
The more likes, shares, and comments a post gets, the more likely it is to be shown to other users. This momentum is the snowball effect that causes posts to go viral.
There are ways social media algorithms can benefit your child, such as creating a personalized experience and helping them discover new things related to their interests. But the drawbacks are also notable — and potentially concerning.
Since social media algorithms show users more of what they seem to like, your child’s feed might quickly become overwhelmed with negative content. Clicking a post out of curiosity or naivety, such as one promoting a conspiracy theory, can inadvertently expose your child to more such content. What may begin as innocent exploration could gradually influence their beliefs.
Experts frequently cite “thinspo” (short for “thinspiration”), a social media topic that aims to promote unhealthy body goals and disordered eating habits, as another algorithmic concern.
Even though most platforms ban content encouraging eating disorders, users often bypass filters using creative hashtags and abbreviations. If your child clicks on a thinspo post, they may continue to be served content that promotes eating disorders.
Although social media algorithms are something to monitor, the good news is that parents can help minimize the negative impacts on their child.
Here are some tips:
It’s a good idea to monitor what the algorithm is showing your child so you can spot any concerning trends. Regularly sit down with them to look at their feed together.
You can also use a parental monitoring service to alert you if your child consumes alarming content. BrightCanary is an app that continuously monitors your child’s social media activity and flags any concerning content, such as photos that promote self-harm or violent videos — so you can step in and talk about it.
Keep up on concerning social media trends, such as popular conspiracy theories and internet challenges, so you can spot warning signs in your child’s feed.
Talk to your child about who they follow and how those accounts make them feel. Encourage them to think critically about the content they consume and to disengage if something makes them feel bad.
Algorithms influence what content your child sees when they use social media. Parents need to be aware of the potentially harmful impacts this can have on their child and take an active role in combating the negative effects.
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Ever run into a tricky parenting situation and wished for anonymous advice tailored to your specific dilemma?
My mother-in-law tells me of a free parenting hotline back in her day. I’ve often longed for such a service. But that was the ’80s, and this is now. Where are today’s parents supposed to turn?
Enter Ask the Canary, a free AI chatbot custom-tailored to answer your parenting questions. Read on to find out how Ask the Canary works and how AI and parenting can help support you on your child-rearing journey.
Ask the Canary is powered by large language model (LLM) algorithms, which scrape the internet to generate answers to your questions.
Think of the way you typically seek out information on the internet: You probably open Google, type in your question, then click through article after article, skimming to find a few nuggets of useful wisdom.
LLMs essentially do the same thing. But instead of searching a handful of articles, they scour the entire internet. Then, they collate the information and summarize it for you. All of this happens in a matter of seconds.
Arguably the most well-known AI chatbot of the moment is ChatGPT. Ask the Canary functions in a similar manner. The big difference is that Ask the Canary is programmed to only answer questions related to parenting.
That means your answers will be targeted, and you won’t have to wade through any off-topic responses.
Say your tween watched a violent video online, or you discovered your teen sexting a classmate. Naturally, you’ll wonder how best to tackle these difficult conversations with your child.
You may not feel comfortable bringing it to the mommy mafia text thread. Or maybe you’ve asked your friends, but you also want to draw on a wider pool of resources.
That’s where Ask the Canary can help. It’s a judgment-free resource designed to guide you through tough parenting moments. Ask the Canary provides you with the language you need to discuss tricky topics with your kids.
Even better: You can ask the chatbot anything, directly from your phone. All you need is the BrightCanary app.
Ask the Canary can be accessed on your iOS device through the BrightCanary app.
Simply download the Bright Canary app for free from the App Store, open it on your phone, and select More from the menu bar along the bottom.
You’ll see four options pop up. Click on Ask the Canary and start typing in your questions. It’s really that easy.
You don’t have to set up a BrightCanary account to use Ask the Canary.
BrightCanary is a parental monitoring app that allows you to supervise your child’s activities on Google, YouTube, and social media. It’s a great complement to resources you’ll find with Ask the Canary.
If you’re interested in finding out more about how BrightCanary works, you can learn more here.
It can be hard to ask for help sometimes. That’s why we’ve made Ask the Canary totally secure and anonymous, so you can feel comfortable bringing it your most difficult parenting problems.
Here are some sample prompts to get you started:
Ask the Canary is an AI chatbot designed to help answer your difficult parenting questions in a free, secure, and anonymous platform. Find it in the BrightCanary app and get the conversation-starters you’ve always wanted.
Many kids send instant messages through games and apps such as Messenger Kids. But texting on a phone is a whole new ballgame, and with it comes the need to learn texting etiquette and personal safety. That’s because text messaging has fewer built-in parental controls than the apps your kids may use.
It’s best to have conversations about texting etiquette and safety early and often, so your child is well-prepared by the time they get their first phone. Whether your kiddo is about to take the plunge, is a seasoned pro, or is years away from this milestone, there’s no time like the present to show them basic cell phone etiquette.
Good texting rules aren’t too different from other online safety tips you’ve probably already taught your child. Talk to them about how those cautions apply to texting, too.
Here are some texting dos and don’ts to go over with your child.
It’s best to establish texting rules for your child in advance of giving them their first phone. If you wait until they have it, the rules can feel like punishment, rather than guidelines meant to protect them.
Your child should understand and follow these basic tenets of texting etiquette:
Always respond promptly to messages from your parents. Kids should also turn on read receipts, so parents know when their message was received.
Never click on links from suspicious numbers. They’re probably phishing.
Be clear about what personal information is okay to text and to whom. For example, you may be fine with them sending their game schedule to family members. But your child shouldn’t share their whereabouts with neighbors or strangers.
Establish where it is appropriate to text and when it’s not. Texting while driving is never okay — even if they’re years from their license, it’s good to set this expectation now (and practice what you preach). Decide if texting other places, like in their bedroom or at the kitchen table, is allowed.
Decide when it’s okay to text and when it’s time to stop. If you don’t want them to text before school, during class, or after bedtime, be clear and specific.
Develop a list of people your child can text. Do they know them personally, do they know a mutual friend, or are they potentially talking to a stranger?
Once you’ve established the rules for texting, it’s wise to establish how you’ll supervise what your child sends and receives. BrightCanary is the most comprehensive parental monitoring solution for Apple devices, allowing parents to monitor their child’s text messages, social media direct messages, and more.
In addition to teaching your children how to text safely, now’s also the time to teach them to text kindly.
Here are some guidelines for texting with kindness:
As your child embarks on their texting journey, it’s inevitable that problems will arise. Get ahead of any issues by preparing them to face potentially challenging situations.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
Texting is both a privilege and a responsibility for kids. Start early to teach them how to text responsibly and safely.
You’re likely aware of the importance of teaching your child how to be a responsible digital citizen. What’s easier to overlook is the importance of being a digital role model. But our children are watching — and learning. That’s why it’s paramount that parents practice what we preach when it comes to technology. Read on for tips on how to model appropriate digital behavior for your children.
Before we get into the how, let’s take a moment to touch on the why. Parental technoference — the sudden withdrawal of attention due to device distraction — can have a negative impact on both the quality and quantity of time they spend with their children.
Nicole Baker, assistant professor of psychology at Franklin Pierce University, stresses that parental interactions are vital to fostering a child’s growth and development.
She cautions that “parental technoference can contribute to an increase in externalizing behaviors (e.g., hyperactivity and aggression), as well as internalizing issues (e.g., anxiety and depression) among children.”
It may feel like our kids are ignoring us half the time, but the truth is that they’re watching and learning from what we do.
According to Baker, “When parents prioritize screen time, they inadvertently communicate to their children that digital devices hold more importance than human relationships and even the child’s needs.”
Children may also subconsciously mimic their parent’s behavior, relying on screens to meet their needs for entertainment and communication and using them as a means of self-soothing boredom.
It can be easy to let warnings from experts send you into a tailspin of parental guilt. (Or is that just me?) In an increasingly connected world, there are valid reasons to be on our phones around our children — and, in some cases, it may even support our role as parents.
For example, consider the parent who wants to attend their child’s sports practice, but is expected to be plugged in to work during that time. In that case, periodically checking their phone may allow that parent greater connection to their child than they would otherwise be able to have.
Or consider the parent who takes a moment to look up parenting advice on the spot so they feel better equipped to deal with the challenge at hand. Here, the parent’s phone becomes an extra support line, connecting them to other parents in similar situations.
Like most things in parenting, our digital behavior is not a zero-sum game. The key is to be mindful of how we interact with technology around our children, identify areas for improvement, and take active steps to modify our behavior.
Here are some tips for modifying your relationship with technology in order to model appropriate digital habits for your children.
Despite our best efforts, it can be difficult to ignore the siren call of the device notification. To resist the temptation, try setting your phone on Do Not Disturb — or, better yet, leaving it in another room.
Establishing spaces where devices aren’t allowed can help foster connections in your family. These zones could be physical areas in your home, such as a particular room, or specific times of day, like mealtime.
It’s well-established that screen time before bed has a negative impact on sleep for both kids and adults. Instead of doom-scrolling on the couch at the end of the day, model good sleep hygiene by reading a book, journaling, practicing bedtime yoga, or prepping the next day’s meals.
Make a conscious effort to not stare at your phone when you’re having a conversation, and not just with your child — remember, they’re watching how you interact with other adults, too.
When you see something eye-catching like a beautiful sunset, it’s okay to grab your phone for a quick photo — but make sure the phone and the photo shoot don’t become the center of your attention.
Setting limits around screen time isn’t just for kids. They can also be helpful for parents. Use the screen-time controls on your devices to set downtime for yourself, and explain to your child why you’re doing it. These apps can help you learn how to manage your own screen time.
Make regular plans to do things with your child that don’t involve devices. Going for a hike or a bike ride, attending a sporting event, or holding a family game night are all great screen-free options.
Our children learn how to behave from watching us. Therefore, it’s important that parents model appropriate digital behavior, such as limiting device use and prioritizing screen-free time.
Forget Nickelodeon and TGIF (remember that, my fellow Xennials?) — YouTube is the modern tween’s go-to platform for video content. But with so many channels, it’s hard to know what’s appropriate for your kid. What are the best YouTube channels for kids today?
We’ve rounded up four YouTubers popular with tweens and reviewed both their content and their offscreen behavior. Use this information to help you make an informed decision for your family.
MrBeast (@Mrbeast) is widely credited with pioneering a genre of YouTube videos featuring expensive stunts and has the most subscribers of any individual account on YouTube.
MrBeast has worked hard to build his image as a “nice guy,” and his videos often involve gifting large sums of money. He’s also a very active philanthropist, donating hundreds of thousands of dollars earned in brand deals.
While MrBeast’s recent videos are clean, he’s come under fire for using homophobic slurs in the past on Twitter and making homophobic jokes in some of his older YouTube videos.
Approach with caution
MrBeast’s offensive content has been deleted, and what remains is appropriate for younger audiences. But we can’t in good conscience recommend a homophobic creator. The reason we’re using an at-your-own-discretion ranking is our belief in the capacity for change.
The content in question is from when MrBeast was quite a bit younger. He’s since spoken about the homophobia he learned growing up and his efforts to break away from that. More recently, he’s been outspoken against transphobia. Whether it’s genuine growth or an attempt to save his brand remains to be seen.
If you let your tween watch his channel, it’s worth keeping a close eye on the content they consume and having a conversation about the controversies.
Jojo Siwa is a former Dance Moms star known for her dance, music, and lifestyle videos. Although Siwa’s popularity grew on YouTube, in more recent years, she has switched to sharing content on TikTok, Instagram, and other social media platforms.
An outspoken member of the LGBTQ+ community, Siwa recently competed on Dancing with the Stars in the show’s first ever same-sex dancing partnership. Her videos are fun, wholesome, and appropriate for kids of all ages.
Siwa’s been linked to a few questionable products over the years, including a board game featuring inappropriate content for younger fans and makeup that was found to contain asbestos. To her credit, Siwa responded promptly and the products in question were pulled.
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Siwa’s online presence is vibrant and fun, and she’s a solid role model, particularly for girls and LGBTQ+ kiddos. Some of her content can cross the line into inappropriate territory, so parents should be prepared to discuss sensitive topics with their kids. Also, be mindful when purchasing her branded products.
Miranda Sings (@MirandaSings) is a fictional character created by Colleen Ballinger. Her videos feature satirically talentless singing, dancing, “tutorials,” and more.
Sings’ wacky videos can be genuinely funny. It might be counterintuitive, but it takes a lot of talent to perform this badly.
Ballinger has recently been embroiled in multiple controversies, including a (possible) blackface incident, allegations of racism by a former employee, and accusations of inappropriate communication with underage fans.
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While most of the controversy and alleged bad behavior has happened off her YouTube channel, the drama has affected Ballinger’s public persona (and TikTok comments). And, if the allegations are true, Ballinger is far from a good role model for tweens. She is currently on a social media hiatus, but if she returns, it’s wise to keep your kiddo away from her channels — at least until the details become clearer.
It’s impossible to do a YouTube roundup without mentioning PewDiePie (@Pewdiepie), a wildly popular gamer who has reigned as one of the top Youtubers for more than a decade.
PewDiePie is known for his upbeat personality and unique takes. He’s not afraid to poke fun at himself, teaching viewers to not take themselves too seriously. Offscreen, PewDiePie has used his fame to raise millions of dollars for the World Wildlife Fund.
In addition to being caught in too many controversies to name, including anti-semetic posts, PewDiePie’s content is known for crude humor and adult language. He also plays games on his channel that feature violence, horror, and sexualized characters.
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Aside from the controversies, PewDiePie’s channel is decidedly not tween friendly. Common Sense Media suggests it’s appropriate for kids ages 16+, but even then, we advise approaching it with caution and watching the channel yourself before giving it the okay. If you do let your teenagers watch it, it’s worth a conversation about why some of his content and remarks are not okay.
This is only a snapshot of the internet personalities your tween might follow online. Oftentimes, a YouTuber’s presence extends to include other channels — so, your child may follow PewDiePie on YouTube and Twitch, and Jojo Siwa on TikTok. If your child follows an internet personality, it’s a good idea to understand what that person posts. You can use a parental monitoring tool like BrightCanary to see what your child consumes on YouTube and social media.
Parents, have regular check-ins with your child about internet personalities. They can be a force for good (and entertainment), but they can also expose your child to sensitive, inappropriate topics they may not be ready to handle on their own. Talk to your child about how their content makes them feel, how much time they spend with their favorite influencers, and what to do if they become over-attached.
It was bound to happen: Your child posted something private to their close friends on Instagram Stories, and a screenshot made its way around the whole school. They sent an inappropriate picture they regret. Or maybe they sent an ill-advised meme to a friend, and the principal got wind of it.
Kids can and will mess up in digital spaces — it’s part of growing up in the digital age. Luckily, there are things parents can do to support their kids when they mess up online and even help them learn from their mistakes.
As much as we might want to prevent our children from ever making mistakes in the first place, our job as parents isn’t to shield them from messing up — it’s to support them through the fallout when they inevitably do.
As hard as it is for parents to watch, research indicates that when children make mistakes and are met with loving support, these mistakes are actually a vital way to build resilience, develop autonomy, and learn valuable decision-making skills. Supporting our children through their mistakes with a combination of empathy, communication, and education is the key to turning a temporarily painful situation into a long-term positive lesson.
Before you do or say anything, take a breath, take a beat, and get a handle on your own feelings.
Believe me, I know how hard this one is. It’s only natural for you to feel things like anger, shame, or sadness when your child messes up. But hear me when I say that this moment is not about your feelings.
Nicole Baker, assistant professor of psychology at Franklin Pierce University, cautions that “reacting with anger or frustration can cause a child to withdraw in a high-arousal state.” Instead, Baker suggests staying calm and offering a judgment-free space for your child to process what happened.
You might need to fake it ’til you make it or hide in the laundry room and scream into the dryer, but remaining calm and even-tempered allows your child the room they need to process their own emotions and ultimately learn from their actions.
It’s tempting to try to immediately turn your child’s mistake into a teachable moment. But if they’re having big feelings about what happened, they won’t be able to effectively absorb the learning.
During this initial fallout stage, Baker suggests parents validate their children’s experience and let them know it’s okay to feel embarrassed or anxious about the situation. “Reassure them that making mistakes is part of being human,” she says.
After the initial feelings ease and your child is emotionally regulated, they’ll be in a better headspace to learn from their mistake. Here are some ideas for how parents can facilitate this growth:
The best learning happens when children recognize the lessons on their own. Rather than lecturing them about the consequences of their actions, take a more soft-handed approach.
Baker suggests that parents guide their child to understand the potential consequences of their actions, encourage them to take responsibility, and explore ways to prevent similar mistakes in the future.
Here are some conversation tips to help you get started:
To facilitate your child’s learning, try using open-ended questions. You could ask, “What’s going on with this situation now?” and “How do you think this made the other people involved feel?”
Ask your child what they think they can do to repair the situation, and make sure they follow through with the plan. This could mean apologizing to those who were impacted, taking down a harmful post, or offering to perform community service through the school.
Encourage your kid to brainstorm how to prevent the situation from happening again. Discuss responsible, age-appropriate online behavior, and plan ways to monitor their online activity as a means of accountability. (If you don’t already have a digital device contract in place, now is a good time to implement one.)
Baker also stresses the importance of routine check-ins with children and adolescents regarding their online activity. “These check-ins not only increase parents’ awareness of online behavior, but also normalize these discussions for children, making them more comfortable confiding in their parents when facing online problems in the future,” she says.
Messing up online is an inevitable part of modern adolescence. But with a supportive, non-judgemental approach, parents can guide their children through their mistakes and help them learn.
Your teen or tween is begging to use Discord — but is Discord safe for kids? If the idea of vetting one more app feels daunting, we’ve got you. Discord parental controls and safety settings can help limit explicit content, who can contact your child, and more. This Discord parents’ guide covers the ins and outs of the platform and how to help your child use it safely.
Discord is a messaging platform and social network. Users can come together around shared interests and exchange either text or audio messages through direct or group messages.
Originally created as a way for gamers to chat while playing online together, it’s expanded to include many different (and often extremely niche) interests.
It has the real-time communication vibe of FaceTime with the message-board functionality of Reddit.
“Servers” are what Discord calls communities formed around specific topics. These servers are set as either text or voice channels. Anyone can create a server and set it to either public or private.
Like any platform allowing open chat, there’s some risk that your child may be exposed to inappropriate material.
However, Discord parental controls and safety features make the platform a reasonably safe experience for teens. (The minimum age for Discord users is 13.)
Here’s a rundown on the available safety features:
Discord requires that users be over the age of 13 to use their platform, which is inline with expert recommendations. There are additional built-in restrictions for users under 18.
Because age isn’t verified, be aware that it’s possible for your kid to skirt around this restriction. It’s a good idea to sit down with your child when they first set up their account and explain why those age guardrails matter.
The person who sets up and runs a server can set certain limitations, such as automatic filtering of explicit images and videos. Server owners are free to establish ground rules for users, such as prohibiting swearing or hate speech .Owners can choose to moderate the server themselves or have this done by a bot.
As a parent, it’s a good idea to review the guidelines of the servers your child joins and understand the content users post.
If your child wants to use Discord primarily to chat with friends, consider asking them to set up a private server that can be joined by invitation only.
While Discord doesn’t have traditional parental controls that allow you to set limits, the Family Center gives you oversight on their activity. Caregivers can see what servers their kids join or participate in and who they’ve messaged or called.
For privacy reasons, parents are unable to see the content of messages or posts. However, if you notice anything unusual or concerning, such as your kid adding a friend you don’t know, you can use that information to start a conversation with them. As always, we recommend regularly sitting down with your child to look at their account together.
Discord’s platform can feel overwhelming to the uninitiated, so they’ve created a guide that walks through setting up your Family Center.
Under the Privacy and Safety section of your child’s account settings, there are a handful of features to maximize the safety of their Discord experience.
With this feature, users can elect to have all direct messages (DMs), or only messages from non-friends, scanned and filtered for explicit material.
Users can also choose to have their DMs scanned and filtered for spam.
This setting can be toggled on to allow messages from other users in a server.
If direct messages are enabled, a user can allow messages from any users on that server — or only messages from their friends. We recommend the latter.
One caveat: Messages from non-friends aren’t blocked entirely, they’re sent to a separate “message requests” folder, so your kid can still access them if they choose.
Servers can be set as age-restricted by the owner, preventing users under 18 from accessing them.
Discord allows servers to be set as Not Suitable for Work (NSFW). Users under 18 are automatically prevented from joining NSFW servers.
In the Privacy and Safety settings, users can prevent the app from collecting and using their data for customization or analytics.
Discord is an excellent way for your teen to interact with friends, learn about topics of interest, and connect with others around shared interests. Because it’s an open chat platform, parents and kids need to be aware of the risks. By using safety features, talking to your kid about how to use the platform responsibly, and monitoring their use, it’s possible for Discord to be a safe, positive environment for your teen.
Parenting kids in the age of social media can feel like the Wild West. We didn’t grow up with it, so we can’t use parallels from our own childhoods to teach kids how to use social media responsibly. Some days, it seems like we’re writing the playbook as we go along. You want to teach your child how to use social media responsibly, but where do you start?
To ease the road, here are some practical tips for navigating social media safety with your kid.
Existing research suggests that excessive social media use can have a negative impact on children. As a parent, it’s important to keep an eye out for these negative consequences.
Some of the adverse consequences of excessive social media use include:
Before you run to your kid’s device and delete all their accounts, remember that research has also identified many benefits of social media use for youth.
Here are some positive outcomes:
Encourage your kids to use social media safely so they may reap the benefits — and, hopefully, avoid the negative impacts. Here’s how to get started.
Enlist your kids in coming up with reasonable social media limits that foster plenty of offline breaks.
These limits might include:
Making sure your kids use social media responsibly isn’t just about their behavior today. The lessons you teach them now will set the foundation for them to make good choices for years to come.
Help them to examine their own behavior around social media and encourage them to act in a way that supports their values and long-term goals.
Sit down with your kid and look at who they follow together — both people they know and don’t know. Ask what drew them to follow that person in the first place, what benefit they get from watching their content, and how that content makes them feel.
It’s also a good idea to remind them to think before they post. Discuss with your child the potential short- and long-term consequences of what they share online. Encourage them to pause first and consider how their post might impact themselves and others.
Have a frank discussion with your kiddo about the pros and cons of social media use. The more information they have, the better they can make informed choices about their own behavior.
In addition to teaching your child to make their own social media decisions responsibly, it’s important to remain engaged as a parent so you can monitor for any warning signs and continue to coach them while they learn.
Here are some tips to stay connected with your child’s online life:
Our kids are watching what we do and — although they would probably never admit it — they’re learning from what they see. Be mindful of your own social media use and model the kind of positive, responsible behavior you want to see from your kids.
Social media use has a plethora of pros and cons for teens. While it’s nothing to be afraid of, it is something to approach mindfully. It’s important that parents teach their kids to use social media responsibly and stay engaged with their online activity — because kids shouldn’t have to learn how to navigate social media on their own.
Any parent who’s been through it will tell you the preteen years are rough: moodiness, an increased desire for independence, middle school. One of the hardest parts about this parenting rite of passage is feeling like you don’t know your own kid anymore. How do you talk so your kid will listen?
It’s more important than ever to understand what your tween deals with in the classroom, in their personal lives, and online. Here are some practical ideas for building strong communication with your preteen so you can stay connected to them, maintain a positive relationship, and remain a supportive presence in their life.
Get your family in the habit of routinely checking in with one another. Regular family meetings and putting devices away at mealtimes provide a space for communication. Big family activities on the weekends are fun, but those micro-moments during the week are just as important.
Many tweens find it cringe-worthy to sit down and have a face-to-face chat with their parents. Car rides are a great place to get them to open up — both because they’re stuck with you and because they don’t have to make eye contact.
For kids who enjoy writing, exchanging entries in a shared journal is a wonderful option for connecting. You can share it with everyone in the household, or just between you and your tween.
Catching your tween in the right mood to talk is paramount. Before you launch in, let them know you’d love to hear what they have going on and ask them if it’s a good time to chat. But remember: if they say it isn’t a good time, you need to respect that boundary.
Look for an activity or hobby you can do with your preteen to build connection and create opportunities for spontaneous communication. This might mean you need to meet them where they’re at and immerse yourself in the world of Minecraft or K-pop, but we promise you, the bonding will be worth it.
Tweens often struggle with feeling alone and misunderstood. Try asking open-ended questions and actively listening to your kid’s answers. This action will show them you get what they’re going through (or, at least, that you want to).
Wondering how to talk to kids? Here are a few open-ended questions you can ask:
Let’s face it — some of the decisions our offspring make are, shall we say, less than ideal. But shaming and blaming when they mess up is a surefire bet to push your preteen away.
For instance, let’s say you find out that your tween is searching for inappropriate videos on their school YouTube account. You get an alert from BrightCanary, and instantly, you want answers.
Instead, try guiding them with empathy so they can learn from their own mistakes. In the example above, you’d want to talk to them about the videos they’re watching, explain why it’s a problem, and discuss how you can work on it together.
These questions can help you take a more empathetic approach when your kid makes a mistake:
Let’s say your tween comes to you with a problem. That’s great! Chances are, what they want most is to be listened to. If you simply must give advice, first ask them if they’re open to hearing it — or if they just want to vent.
Although you know it’s just a phase, the tween years can be a difficult and emotional time for parents. It’s important to take care of yourself, too. Finding a trusted friend or therapist you can talk to is a valuable tool that will allow you to show up for your tween, even when (especially when) they’re not at their best.
The preteen years bring with them a shift in your relationship with your child. How do you talk so your kid will listen? Meeting them where they’re at, creating opportunities to reinforce a safe and supportive environment, and building strong communication with your tween will help you remain connected to their life now and for many years to come.
