It’s harder than ever for teens to make friends in the digital age. Having strong friendships in adolescence is associated with better mental and emotional health as adults, but between the constant pressures of social media and the normal growing pains of being a teenager, your teen might feel isolated, lonely, and unsure what to do about it. If you’re wondering how to help your teenager make friends, here’s what you should know.
Kids are lonelier today than ever. Compared to those over 70, people aged between 16–29 are twice as likely to say they feel lonely “often or always.” What’s more, over 30% of young people say they don’t know how to make new friends.
Loneliness isn’t just a fleeting feeling — it can increase the risk of depression and anxiety among adolescents. That’s a problem, considering we’re already in the midst of a youth mental health crisis.
Positive relationships can help improve everything from school attendance to your child’s likelihood of graduating college. But the way teens make friends has changed over time. The rate of teens meeting up with their friends “almost every day” has decreased from 50% in the ‘90s to 25% today.
What changed? Although the percentage of teens meeting up with friends has been declining over the last few decades, there’s a steep dropoff in 2010 — when smartphones went mainstream. Text messages, social media, and Snapstreaks became the digital currency of social clout. It became easier for teens to feel connected online, even though offline friendships are more meaningful and intimate.
Being a teenager is radically different today than it was a few short years ago. That means making friends and maintaining strong friendships is radically different, too.
If you want to know how to help your teenager make friends, the biggest step is encouraging your teen to try new things. It’s hard to meet new people without going into new spaces, so you’ll want to work with them to discuss their interests and brainstorm ways they can use those interests to spark new connections. Here are some places to start:
You might feel super motivated to help your teen make friends, but keep in mind that you don’t always know the finer social dynamics of their world. Your teen might not even realize that they feel lonely. They might even feel overwhelmed if you throw a bunch of ideas at them at once.
Instead, get them talking. Here are some ways to spark a dialogue:
Be open, not judgmental. If you’ve noticed that your teen is spending more time alone than normal, ask them about it in a non-confrontational way, like, “I noticed you’re not hanging out with Sammy as often. Is everything okay?”
Show interest in their interests. Teens can easily pursue their passions and find niche communities online, but you wouldn’t know it unless you get involved. If your child mentions something they enjoy, ask them what they like about it. It might lend itself to an in-person activity. For example, if they’re really into a certain series, you might suggest inviting a friend and hosting a movie night.
Validate their feelings. If your teen says they feel like they don’t have any friends, you might be tempted to give them a million and one solutions to the problem. Instead, give them space to talk about their experiences. Questions like “That’s rough. Can you tell me more about how you feel?” or “What makes you think that?” can encourage your child to keep talking and give you space to examine what might be holding them back from making friends.
It can be difficult for parents to recognize when their teens are struggling, especially if they tend to isolate themselves behind screens. Monitoring your child’s online activity can help identify any red flags, like signs of depression or conflicts that might hinder their ability to make friends.
BrightCanary remotely monitors your child’s text messages, social media, Google, and YouTube activity. The app uses the American Psychological Association’s emotional communication guidelines to categorize conversations, so you can identify anything concerning at a glance.
Plus, our AI-generated summaries make it easy to understand text threads, identify any potential issues early on, and have more informed check-ins with your child.
Look for signs of withdrawal, increased screen time, or reluctance to engage in social activities. Ask your child how they spend their free time—do they check in with friends during passing periods and participate in after-school activities, or do they spend most of their time alone?
Encourage open communication, help them explore new social groups, and monitor for any signs of bullying or depression. Recognize that you may not be able to solve their unique social dynamics, but you can give them space to work through their feelings and find different spaces for connection.
Yes, it’s becoming more common, but it’s important to ensure these online friendships are healthy and positive.
Focus on quality over quantity. Encourage them to pursue hobbies or activities where they can meet people with similar interests in smaller, more comfortable settings. Introverted teens may not want to attend large sporting events, but they may be interested in a book club or cooking class.
It’s important to find a balance—be supportive and present, but allow them the independence to navigate social situations on their own. Remember that their social life includes the digital world, and you’ll want to find a way to stay involved that works for your family. We recommend starting with regular online safety check-ins.
While making friends can be challenging, it’s a crucial part of teenage development. As a parent, you can help your teen brainstorm different ways to expand their social circle online and offline based on their interests. Sometimes, the most important thing you can do is give them space to talk and find solutions on their own (with your encouragement and guidance, of course).
